There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
