we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
