This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
