I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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