dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
