i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
