Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
do nipples grow back?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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