And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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