you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
