i don't plan on having that self control this summer
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
