dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
