Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
