And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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