There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
