My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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