Michael Bay diarrhea
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
