I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
