no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
