she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
