My friends, they love my intelligence
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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