i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
