Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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