man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
