Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
