Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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