Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
