Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
