it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
