help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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