I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
