highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
