normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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