Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
