some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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