I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
