overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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