Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
