what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
