I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
