did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
