Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
