I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
