Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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