well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
