Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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