At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
