She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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