Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
