she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she looked like the before picture.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
vagina is talking i cant
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
