OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
