Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
