I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
