True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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