we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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